semi-existence...the glass is a quarter full.

2:40am: med is amazing.
uh-huh. i love being a medical student coz it opens a lot of doors for me. it's a love-hate relationship, but at the end of the day, you know you're where you're supposed to be at. i enjoy being an MSSR applicant, i like working my brains trying to think of a cool topic for pharma, i like spending time with my classmates and dr. juban working on our papers so we can get published. it's all hard, especially since these are not the only stuff we're supposed to do. but we know it's all worth it. :D basta, it's beginning to make sense now.

1:01pm: =(
pagod na pala ako. =(

11:10pm: dumaan lang.
had two exams in BDI, and 1 exam in pharma. the pharma exam was last monday (july 14); the next one is on friday, july 18. immuno starts next week, and the 1st exam is on wednesday, july 23. second exam on friday, july 25. clinical epi exam on friday as well. who knows what's next? akala ko makakapagpahinga pa ako this weekend but NOOO. may students' research forum pa sa tuesday. kung alam ko lang na may exams that week, hindi ko na pinilit makasali. syeeet. alam ko naman yung pinasok ko eh. nobody ever said it was going to be easy EVER. i just want to take one day off from my lifelong learning experience. ONE DAY LANG *but then again, i might lose my momentum of sympathetic overdrive* waah. fight or flight everyday forever.

4:22pm: start the year
second year na pala ako... naka-isang linggo at kalahati na. okay lang din naman pala ang second year *sana*. naalala ko lang, marami na rin pala akong kaibigan sa klase namin, kaya masaya na rin.

nung isang araw, nakausap ko yung isa kong kaibigan sa med. tinanong nya ako, minsan ba, nararamdaman ko na parang may kulang? na, oo nga, nag-aaral kami, pero pag hindi na kami nag-aaral o gumagawa para sa org, parang may kulang sa mundo? napaisip tuloy ako ng matagal-tagal... kasi naramdaman ko yun eksaktong isang taon pa lang ang nakalipas. ngayon, mas maayos na ang pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko. sinusubukan ko pa rin itulak ang sarili ko na galingan pa, pero kung hanggang dun na lang, okey lang din. hindi ko na rin ipinipilit ang mga damdaming hindi na talaga dapat pang damahin. masaya na ako sa ganito lang... kuntento na ako sa pag-aaral at pag-aalaga sa pamilya ko. pero alam kong balang araw, mararamdaman ko uli na may kulang. kinakabahan na ako, dahil ayoko rin namang maramdaman yun muli.

masaya ako sa pamilya ko. bagamat paminsa'y may mga problema, ayos din naman kami. masaya din ako sa mga kaibigan ko.

ewan. basta.




bakit nga ba ako napasulat? ah oo nga pala. toxic kasi ako the past few days wehehe. uwian kasi walang tubig sa apartment so... BOO MAYNILAD! 1 buwan na kami halos walang tubig, jerks talaga. nakakapagod din mag-uwian no, pero masaya din naman na kasama ang pamilya so keri lang. toxic pero hindi pa masyado so kebs lang. ang lessons na namin ay patho, para, micro at fammed. anong pangalan ng coursework namin ngayon? biopsychosocial dimensions of illness. hodgepodge of different courses. yeah! makes me wish na sana nga nag-public health na lang ako. ang daya talaga ng pisay... hinarang ang application ko sa public health, pero marami din namang hindi grumaduate ng science courses... haay. noon pa naman, super gusto ko maging medtech. haay uli. naiisip ko lang kasi, e di sana ngayon yakang yaka ko yang mga churvaloo na yan sa micro at para. oh well. masaya din naman ang biochem. hindi nga lang talaga sya ganun ka-suited pang-premed. sige na, i concede... kaya naman pag-iigihan ko lalo ang pagaaral ko para naman kaya ko makipagsabayan. davah. =p

kaya naman wala akong summer emtries ay dahil nagturo uli ako nung summer at nag-uwian din ako. o diba, kinakaya naman ang uwian. medyo toxic. tas nung last few days ng vacation, nagpunta kami ng quezon. ayun. so hindi naman pala ako nag-fall off from the edge of the earth eh. wala lang. konting balita para sa mga naka-miss sa akin. =)

PS. masarap pala *as in!* ang hot chocolate ng CBTL. panalo. forever ko na itong oorderin. just like my cream-based caramel frappe. maaasahan.
PPS. masarap ang naluto kong carbonara. panalo ang carbonara mix ng mccormick.

9:47pm: fontana and cebu!!!
sooo... the first week outside of med school was packed with trips. as in. the moment we got off research and stuff, we planned our fontana outing. saya!!! daming pics sa friendster ko courtesy of my groupmates richel, ais, adrian, algene and raphy. and pumunta ako ng cebu for the human genome organization conference. coolest conference i've ever been to. GRABEH!!! andami kong natutunan. it's set, then. i'll go into medical research like i've always wanted. gusto ko na makagraduate para magka-phd!!! hay... pics sa friendster din, though most landscape pics are from ate jen's multiply. wawang bata, celphone lang ang dala, tas di ko pa natransfer ang pics so super low-res sila.

andaming kwento pero hindi ko kaya lahat ikwento. basta. masaya. cebu. fontana. haay, unforgettable summer na kaagad. on monday, it's back to work *i hope*.

6:23pm: HEALTH ALLIANCE FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE: NO TO CORRUPTION
saw this in my transbox... figured i'd do a little share of dissemination. sana mabasa nyo ito, kasi MALI NA TALAGA ANG MGA NANGYAYARI. kahit ako hindi ko alam kung anong dapat na gawin, pero i-share ko na lang din, just so you know...

FEB29, 2pm: INTERFAITH RALLY, meeting place RUSTANS, AYALA MAKATI

MAR5, 1pm: FORUM WITH JUN LOZADA (in cooperation with the white ribbon movement and All UP Workers Union, SCIENCE HALL, PGH CENTRAL BLOCK, TAFT, MANILA)

Corruption directly translates to the paltry health budget, so sorely insufficient that it cannot effect any palpable change in the country's health indicactors.

Money should be used to HELP SAVE LIVES, MITIGATE EPIDEMICS, PREVENT RISE OF INFECTIOUS DISEASES, and IMPROVE THE WELL-BEING OF ORDINARY FILIPINOS. Instead, this money is
stolen from government funds and enjoyed by a PRIVILEGED FEW.

The COLOSSAL P6.5 BILLION "commission" demanded by former COMELEC CHAIR BENJAMIN ABALOS is enough to cover (now, this is so sad...)

** 15,000 kideny transplants @ P600,000 each
** 49,000 open-heart surgeries costing at least P200,000 each
** 325,000 cataract surgeries
** 6,500,000 patients for a seven-day course of ANTIBIOTICS
** the medication of 1,083,333 TB PATIENTS on the estimated cost of P6000, administered in six months
** 5 times the current budget of PGH,the leading government hospital, which serves around 600,000 patients a year, with admission rate of 4,000 cases a month
** the subsistence allowance for 70,000 public health workers for the next five years
** a P3000 across the board wage increase of all government health personnel for the next 2 years.

for more info:
secretariat telefax- 7254760
email- headphil@gmail.com

--- now, alam naman ng maraming tao na hindi ako yung tipo na magsesend nito. pero i can't help it. we discussed about poverty in med school and it was so sad and frustrating. there is a reason why a lot of our doctors and nurses leave the country... ang laking pera para hawakan ng ISANG TAO lang... nakakaiyak. kasi sana yung pera na
yun, nagamit na lang panggamot ng NAPAKARAMING PILIPINO. ang hirap lunukin basta di ba? kasi for us, 6.5 billion is just a number. pero ang ganito kalaking halaga... marami na
sanang natulungan. i dunno. maybe it's just me. pero nakakabagabag na walang gawin. because we are not just doctors... we are leaders as well. big role, huh. but true.

ipasa na rin natin sa iba if we find it in our hearts to support LOZADA and his cause. ang sa akin lang, sana etong episode na ito sa history natin eh hindi natin basta basta malimutan.

9:53pm: my year-end review...
dec 31 na naman... hinihika ako pero kebs! 2007 is ending... quite a struggle pero still. a great year comes to a close. and so, my year-end review:

january:
busy girl kahapon. after my 10-1 class, i was bummed. i stayed in madocs till 7, checking papers. fitz called sometime during the morning kasi, asking us out for dinner. so i waited. deb also called, and we planned to meet sa MOA to watch the pyrolympics.
--busy girl as teacher and friend. watched a lot of pyrolympics. palagay ko hindi ko na yun magagawa ngayon, sadness :( AT, napaka-cheesy crust pizza ko noon. so, no more mushy-cheesy yucky stuff from now on. :p

february:
qualified ako for interview sa PGH!! =) wala lang... nakakatakot na nakakaexcite na mas nakakatakot... basta. ayun.=)busy-busyhan pero nanonood pa rin ako ng grey's anatomy. manonood ako bukas ng hannibal rising!!! antagal kong hinintay yang last installment na yan sa silence of the lambs, and i'm watching it tomorrow. =) yey. mamaya magchecheck nako ng UP papers ko.
--still, busy-busyhan. and more cheesy-mushy stuff. AND i qualified for interview sa PGH!!! grabe ang rush ng feelings ko nun... kailangan ma-relive sa akin ang feelings na un para maremind ako na ginusto ko mag-med :p dumating din pala nun sina mommy yette from the states. i'm missing her to bits grabeh...

march:
sa lahat ng mga laging kasama ko sa pagdarasal, maraming salamat. kasi kanina, habang nagppaexam ako ng finals ng filipino sa psych class ko, biglang may isang anghel *aherm paolomedina na nagtext sakin na nakapasa daw ako sa med. aba, ang loka biglang nag-gasp nang malakas at naghyperventilate hahaha buti na nga lang bestfriends ko yung psych class ko they didn't mind much the drama.
--nakapasa na ako sa med! :) wahaha the DRAMA!!! syet, naiyak pa ako sa tuwa noon... grabeh... and still, more cheesyness. syet.

april:
still not yet done checking papers... bahala na. basta i have to finish this by friday. amidst all the activities. mukhang magtuturo pa rin ako sa summer... toxic!
-- the final goodbye to madocs friends, heartaches, overall sadness while having fun in BAGUIO!!! :) reflected on how much i stand to lose and how much i'm going to gain because i chose med. good times, bad times... bittersweet month.

may:
hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas tama... ang mahalin mo ang pagtuturo para mahalin mo yung mga students mo, o yung mahalin mo yung students mo para mahalin mo ang pagtuturo.
--contemplating on my choice. found a very good friend in one of my former students, denise. more cheesy stuff as i realized that it was indeed goodbye to one of the best times i had, one of the best roles i played... teaching. and more goodbyes.

june:
kahapon nagstart na ang classes namin. art of medicine so onti pa lang ang pinaguusapan... mostly values and stuff. i think UPCM is big on "human doctors" hehe.
--cheesy stuff. and MED! grabeh, bigger than life. i didn't think i would last this long, and yet, i'm still here. hahaha, sana masabi ko pa rin yan five years from now...

july:
had an exam last tuesday... it was the dreaded neuro exam. i don't quite understand how they thought we'd really understand everything there is to know about the brain in just a week. not even a whole week, since we also had biochem and idc211 and idc202 last week. so. hindi talaga nakadevote yung whole week for os202.
--the reason why i thought i wasn't cut out for med. i hated neuro. but then, nun natapos na sya, i began missing it so much. OSI doesn't give us much time to enjoy our lessons :p ambilis ng pacing!

august:
haha weird title. my first 3-day break from med school. i still can't believe the dean suspended classes... we're post-grad students.
--i was pleasantly *but not much* surprised to know na nagkakaroon din pala ng suspension of classes sa med. akala ko, since graduate students na kami, di na uso un. the very long suspension happened during our head and neck module. missed a lot of lessons though i was able to enjoy this module kasi for the first time, nagbasa ako ng anatomy book! :P

september:no entries
--masyadong busy! research and exams and stuff.

october:
friend1: ha? hindi ka ba masaya sa med?
aimee: masaya but not to the fullest extent
aimee: but then again, i don't know what i'd rather be doing
--false alarm of sadness. made me rethink of my choice. almost got bombed/whatev in glorietta.

november:
we got a 90 in the neuro practicals! :) i did my best... i studied so hard and somehow i know i contributed as well. makes me feel good about med, esp since neuro's my waterloo.
--woohoo the start of the new sem! and one of the better birthdays of my life. i wasn't able to write about it pero it was fun! spent nov22 with my research groupmates, ate lunch at yellowcab rob. marami-rami ring naganap!!! basta, fun times.

december:
yup... the neuro exams pushed through despite the rains and the coup attempt.
--neuro finals, start of 206, college berks in MoA. Ally mcbeal songs and UPM lantern parade. lately, had to nurse my brother back to health, prepare noche buena and medya noche stuff. deal with the fact that i have asthma. :( fun and good times with the family.

and now, am wishing you all HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2007 may not be the best year... sobrang trying times talaga, but those were such blessing from God na hindi talaga matatawaran. :) i pray that 2008 will be a much better year for all of us... a year of more chances and opportunities. grabeh, i'm excited na!!! :) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

7:10pm: lantern parade
i haven't been to a UP lantern parade for the longest time *the last was in 1st or 2nd year college i think*... and it wasn't the same because i was nonchalant about everything that's been going on. sa CAS kasi, wala talagang gaanong identity na sarili yung college *or baka ako lang nag-isip nun...* i mean, halo-halo kasi yung inooffer kaya mejo kakaiba ang samahan ng mga tao. kaya pala ok din sa white colleges like med, kasi lahat kayo isa lang kurso. wenk. boink. basta. bakit ko nasabi un?

kasi, kanina pumunta ako sa lantern parade nang hindi pinipilit o sinusuhulan ng plus points ng prof wehehe. i went because i wanted to experience it from a med student's point of view. and masaya sya. i went with my classmates, i cheered for the parol i helped to make and it was magical, awesome, BEAUTIFUL. i swear, pinakamaganda yung amin. we won 2nd place, next to PH, but we were all ecstatic as if it were the first. i love our class kasi pinagpuyatan nila un *take note, nila kasi hindi ako sumama sa puyatan sessions :P* and it was beautiful. grabe, after the show we marched our lantern back to med and we were chanting and cam-whoring and yes, dancing and prancing and singing and cheering our hearts out. it felt refreshing to be just like a kid again. it was a wonderful end to the school year.

*pics to follow... LOPAO, paupload ng pic ko ha, tas i'll text you para if you want burahin mo na rin after ko kunin yey thanks! :)*

8:03pm: lonely girl...
Hey there, lonely girl, lonely girl
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh, my lonely girl, lonely girl
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you?

Ever since he broke your heart
You seem so lost each time you pass my way
Oh, how I long to take your hand
And say "Don't cry, I'll kiss your tears away"

Hey there, lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh, my lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you?

You think that only his two lips
Can kiss your lips and make your heart stand still
But once you're in my arms you'll see
No one can kiss your lips the way I will

Hey there, lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh, my lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you?

Hey there, lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Let me make your broken heart like new
Hey there, lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you?

Oh, my lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl (lonely girl)
Let me make your broken heart like new

My lonely girl (lonely girl), lonely girl

7:34pm: songs...
some songs from ally mcbeal... i love its soundtrack! i've just finished an exam earlier, the last for 2007. :) yeah!!!
---

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well the room is crowded, people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it,
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we could make it,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well the night does funny things inside a man
These old tom-cat feelings you don't understand,
Well I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette,
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
And it being late, you'd like some some company,
Well I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me,
The guy you're with has up and split, the chair next to you's free,
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.

Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.
Well I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.

-----------

10:27pm: happiness... amidst the troubles
yup... the neuro exams pushed through despite the rains and the coup attempt. funny, coz i kept on hoping classes would be suspended last week so that i'd have more time to study but nooo. no chance of that happening. i kept on checking pag-asa's website for changes in the weather, etc. sunday afternoon forecast was what kept me hoping. their forecast was that last week would be kinda stormy here in metro manila. ookiee... hindi ata natuloy dito sa manila. hehe pasensya na, selfish thing to ask *probably that's why God didn't allow it to happen :p*. there was that earthquake. but despite all that, and despite the rains last thursday, the neuro exams pushed through. pero kebs at least tapos na. :p haha funny coz after the exam i was kinda hoping *STILL!!!* na walang pasok sa hapon. yes, i don't give up when it comes to hoping there's be no classes, sensya na. until 1pm, nasa apartment lang ako, nakikipagchat kina deb, donna at mark at nanood ng csi. naghihintay talaga ng announcement. tas wala talaga. so i went to dissection. tas i heard about the coup attempt. mej natuwa na marami-rami kaming nagawa for the dissection. tas nagsuspend ng classes ng 4pm. funny sense of humor hahaha. went back to the apartment, watched some more csi eps, then got ready for the CAS homecoming...

*tinatamad na magkwento*

basta ayun. kahapon naman nagpunta kami sa convention ng medical technologists. hehehe, informative lectures. masaya na naman ako. then, kanina, MoA whole day. kwentuhan, kainan, timezone... haay. sobrang namiss ko ang mga college berks ko... as in. :p tomorrow, concert naman. i refuse to study hahaha.

may tanong ako. since lahat naman halos ng friends ko sa LJ ay pisay friends, may tanong ako *esp kay jo and macy :)*. naalala nyo naman ang aking "life" nun high school no? i mean, you know. i often feel as if i made huge mistakes back then. basta, un na un. concerning one of our common friends *arg, pardon the vagueness*. what i meant to ask is this: was that really a mistake, o naging mistake lang sya coz i did it to the wrong person? kasi ngayon... shet i feel like i want to make that "mitake" once again. hindi ko na naman ma-contain ang lahat-lahat. hahaha text nyo naman ako pag nabasa nyo to hahaha *nanawagan ba sa LJ?!*

o sya, yan na lang muna :p

5:42pm: yeah!
we got a 90 in the neuro practicals! :) i did my best... i studied so hard and somehow i know i contributed as well. makes me feel good about med, esp since neuro's my waterloo. dr. anlacan was very helpful yesterday, even clarifying some points while we were doing the neuro practicals even if it's supposed to be an exam. i guess she's a good example of how teachers must be like... tinuruan nya kami, kinorrect kahit na exam yun and we're not supposed to know from her na mali kami coz we're being graded and such.

lapit na birthday ko!!! sana it'll live up to the hype of last year. :D i was so happy then... somehow, ngayong patapos na ang neuro, nafifeel ko na naman na masaya ang med. sana maging masaya ang 22nd year ng buhay ko.

wahaha actually i'm not really ready to blog it out... nanonood pa ako ng dvd hahaha exam uli next week eh, so...

btw, congrats kay kenneth! 4th placer sa chem eng'g boards! also to kristine cuevas, who also passed the boards! :) great, u guys!

8:47am: happy 22nd birthday! :)
"the last thing i ever wanted to do is to make you feel anything less than amazing."
--felicity to ben, when ben was accused of plagiarism because of felicity editing his paper

"i still love that you're odd. i still love all of your eccentricities. and i still love you as a friend. maybe i'm just so starved for intimacy on any level, i might have mistaken the intimacy of a friendship for the kind that... i don't know. what i do know, the thought of losing you as my friend... my bestfriend... it's unthinkable."
--ally mcbeal to john cage, after confronting him about a dream she had of the two of them together

"i'm the last person in the worl to give anybody advice about love or anything, but there are two things i do know. well, there are three, actually. first, under the bleached head, he's one of the greatest guys i've ever met. second, being loved by him, or loving him? it's pretty special. third, if he's even a maybe, you gotta go for it. because guys who could be right, or even remotely could be the one... they don't come along often, if ever."
--ally mcbeal to sandy, billy's secretary, when sandy was contemplating whether or not to pursue her feelings for billy

"all of my heart... forever."
--ally mcbeal to billy thomas, during her eulogy to billy.

i guess for some parts you really have to watch ally mcbeal to feel the full effect. naiyak ako sa lines na yan. especially the last one. kasi billy was making this closing for a case they had. but he has brain tumor, and the tumor got the better of him. he was delusional, but the things he said to ally those last moments, they both knew those were real. then he dropped dead. nakakaiyak!!! tas sabi pa ni ally kay georgia, "his last words were, 'tell georgia i love her'". but actually, in the end, it was ally he still loved. and then after his death may ghost scene pa si billy. sabi pa ni ally, "you haunted me while you're alive. might as well haunt me now that you're dead." tas they kissed and cried and talked. tas sabi ni billy, "do you know of anyone with a love like ours?" tas iyak ng iyak si ally. tas sabi ni billy, "it's stronger than death". syet kinikilabutan ako pero nakakaiyak...

*crossposted to friendster blog*

12:16am: medicine...

i realized the other day while talking to krizly... i now know why i'm here. it's because i love it here. the hardships... everything. alam kong mahirap and yet i know i'm willing to make the sacrifice. i love thinking that someday i'm going to be a doctor. and that somehow inspires me. and come on, i love what i'm learning. sure, people expect too much from us, like learning about a different system every after two week? pero kebs, na-keri naman kahit sobrang hirap. i now know what i'll be doing for the rest of my life. the doubts will probably still be there, but i know kakayanin ko. wenk drama. kasi naman, kung ALAM NYO LANG kung gano ako nahirapan sa first sem ko sa med... hahaha OA pero true. i think it would be hard to find someone who'll tell you med is easy, because it's not. and the few people who'll tell you it's easy are probably kidding or something. wehehe just a thought.

and, finally, please do check out my friendster pics. hahaha ngayon lang ako magkakapics na med-related. kasi ba naman, wala naman akong sariling digicam kaya naghihintay lang ako sa friends ko magupload hahaha :D me in white... haay *not a wedding dress mind you hahaha*. a dream that took so long pero finally it's here. ayun. pero in most pics nakacivilian pa rin ako hahaha kasi group meeting yun nun end of ramadan eh, so alang pasok :p

9:29am: glorietta...
last week, my friends and i were promising ourselves that if we did good with the final exams, we'd go celebrate somewhere in makati. we said we'd watch stardust and eat out... thank GOD hindi kami natuloy sa makati. muntikan na talaga!!!! kasi lunch out pa naman talaga pinlano namin...

yesterday, i got up early, then finished editing our paper. arla came by the apartment around 10am then waited for me to finish up. then we went to school where we saw rhoda. went to rob. gutom na kami kaya dun na kmi kumain, then tinamad na lumipat p a makati kasi may stardus din naman na showing sa rob. ayun. pero hindi na nmin nasabi sa mga mgulang namin na nasa rob lang kami... all the while they thought nasa makati kami. habang nasa sinehan kami, nag-ring fone ni arla. ta aun nga, frantic na mom nya kasi akala tumuloy kami sa makati. then rhodz and i looked at our fones. andaming missed calls hahaha di namin nakita agad kasi nakasilent fones namin *bad arla! :p* tas ayun.

malala pala nangyari sa makati... biruin mo, kung dumiretso kami dun, di lang semender nanyari samin... LIFE ENDER pa. :( sad. let's pray for those who perished in the bombing.

*sem end post later*

3:51pm: musculoskeletal system...
pinapatay ako ng up college of medicine. yes karl, kung binabasa mo man ito, medyo alangan ako sa exam kanina. i don't know if i'll get enough points to get by. kinompute ko na yun kailangan ko. considering my derma grade, anlayo pa rin talaga ng kailangan kong habulin para umiwas sa removals. such is life. and here i am planning stuff for the unsure future that is sembreak. hindi ko alam kung kelan ko ba talaga sasabihin na "i'm free!!!" bukas, most of my classmates will be rejoicing their freedom from medschool *at least for <1 month* pero ako, may head and neck pa. grabe naman kasi, pasado na ako eh. mas mataas pa grade ko sa ibang exempted. life is unfair. :( naiiyak na ako. because of 1 stupid point. 1 FREAKIN' POINT and i have to take the finals. 1 FREAKIN POINT. grabe, what 1 moment of being careless would cost me. sana maipasa ko lahat ito, or else, ayoko na ata bumalik pa next sem kung ganun... :(

and our research subject is not helping. dito ko nafifeel na sobrang gustong gusto ko ang gagawin ko, pero nooo they're making it hard for us to love research. tapos na ang abstract, pinarevise pa. fault naman nila un kasi hindi sila naglabas ng format. capsule proposal naman pala gusto nila. frustration = medlife.

4:37pm: waahh, found it *finally!*
my classmates sang this during the med-duets! :) they won second place ata or third... anyway, made me cry a bit while they were singing this... if only i can remember how it goes...

(Guys)
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

~chorus~

Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

(Girls)

Ooo ooo,I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us, and I will love the ones you love.
(guy):So gone are all my questions about why (girl echoes):about why


Duet:Oh I wonder what God was thinking when he created you,
I wonder if He knew everythin I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you He must've been thinking about me.

Bridge

He made the sun He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One can't do without the other they just have to be together.
And that is how I know its true,
Your for me and i'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life

Chorus

(guy) He must have heard every prayer I've been praying (girl echo)
I've been praying (both)He must've knew everything I would need

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me.

3:41pm: far away
So far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away

One more song about movin' along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I coild only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend in bein' close to you.

But you're so far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're so far away

5:48pm: :(
:(

text/email me if you want to know why. :(

9:15pm: ayun. kakatapos lang ng biochem exam kanina. ni hindi ko nafeel na may edge ako sa pagiging biochem major ko. ganun kahirap ang exam. nevertheless, i am hoping na sana man lang makapasa ako.

ano pa ba... i am not alone in thinking na, "mali bang nag-med ako???" apparently, normal lang pala sya hehehe. i have quite a number of classmates who are thinking the same way. the thing is, i know how much i've worked for this, and how much this means to my family and me. so, i'm gonna keep trying. may compromise naman eh... at ito un...

ako ang naelect na leader ng thesis group namin. i really hope i do justice to the work we want to do. wala pang concrete concept, pero andami nang nagenerate na ideas, so i'm hoping our group will do good. :) sana di pa rusty ang biochem skills. at least i'd get to do research again... haay.

went to kre's handaan kanina. i was so late, grabe. nagattend kasi ako ng doctrine class tas mag-isa lang ako so nakakahiyang i-miss. kanina may kinwento si kre. naaasar ako sa isa kong classmate. kasi ba naman sabihin ba naman sa ibang tao na magffinals ako. nakakaasar. kasi tanggap ko na pero he's making it hard for me. sinasalaksak na nga nya sa mukha ko yung fact na exempted sya at ako e hindi, tas ikakalat pa nya sa iba. buti kung kay kre lang. maglaho sya... ayoko kasi ng ganun. bahala sya. i don't care.

8:30am: walang pasok...
so, ilang araw na kaming walang pasok. and considering the OS curriculum, there's no room for times like this. we're gonna have to miss a lot of topics... endoscopy, PE of head and neck, histology, radiology... hay. fun pero nakakaguilty magsaya kasi hindi na namin malalaman tong stuff na ito.

sofar, ano kayang ginagawa ko ngayong maulan?? well, to start off, laging naghihintay ng announcement kung may pasok kinabukasan. AT, kahit ayaw maniwala ng roommates ko... lagi talagang pinagbibigyan ang kagustuhan kong mawalan ng pasok. so yes, the longest weekend ever *kung walang makeeup class tomorrow*. sana lang hindi maisipan ng mga tao na gawing every saturday ang makeup for os204 kasi wenk talaga, pupunta akong homecoming eh sabado un.

wednesday afternoon, after the suspension of classes kumain lang kami sa labas ng friends ko. tas natulog lang ako. then, after some time, inannouce na walang pasok kinabukasan. since hyped up ang mga tao dahil naghihintay ng results ng medboards, ayun, puyat ever kami paghihintay. nood ng movies, tas ayun. PUMASA SINA ATE ANNIE AT ATE VERON!!!! dumami na naman ng doctor friends ko, ansaya!!!! umuwi sila sa provinces nila kahapon kaya mejo tahimik na uli sa apt... kami lang kasi ni marcy madalas na naiiwan. kahapon naman, aral ng biochem then nagsimba, natulog, nagnet ng nagnet... pramis.. ilang beses na akong pinagbibigyan kaya magaaral nako maya-maya ng 204. magmo-moore muna ako. si maddie nagyayaya pa magsine hahaha di na lang muna siguro. gastos sa pera't oras eh.

ayun lang. i really needed this "break" of some sort. kaya magaaral na ako

4:41pm: break kung break
haha weird title. my first 3-day break from med school. i still can't believe the dean suspended classes... we're post-grad students. sana ung mga intarmed na lang ung sinuspindihan nya ng classes. magbabayad na naman kmi tuloy ng saturday classes. and considering na head and neck na ang module namin ngayon... goodluck.

i wasn't feeling very well this past weeks. tere, my housemate, got german measles. i know i'm vaccinated against the disease, pero i have such low resistance nowadays *irregular diet, laging puyat*. natakot ako, pero kebs di ba. last weekend, hindi na lang ako umuwi sa bahay kasi baka madala ko lang ang virus. well well well, guess what. nagkasakit naman ako. not with rubella but with the flu. na-vaccinate din ako against flu, pero ayun ang masaklap na katotohanan. i was feeling an itch in my throat when we went to mass in PGH last sunday. tas during biochem exam, i had the sniffles. that afternoon, when we attended the phi-sponsored os 203 cad-hop review, i was sneezing all over the place and was feeling a bit woozy. still, i stayed up most of the night chatting *i know, bad aimee!* and making labels for our cadaver *because our group was assigned to discuss the arm and forearm tuesday afternoon*. when i woke up the next morning, i had a terrible headache and a slight fever. i still went to school, helped with the labelling and all. around lunch, i felt my fever rise. i took meds, then slept for a while before going to class. i felt awful that my group had to work without me... nhiya ako sa kanila but i'm sick and we have this exam thursday. i rather be sick tuesday than miss the exam.

so anyway, after a while i went to the cad-hop, then went to the clinic. i was given more meds. i went home nd slept. pagkagising ko, i was burning up. i called my dad to pick me up, so he did. i went home. take note: i haven't studied yet for my exams. so i asked my friend to please ask my prof what i could do if ever i miss the exam. she said i'd have to take a different exam, and to make up for the missed practicals *move-type of exam*, i'd have to take the finals AND summer project. that's like saying i'd have to take remedial classes!!! i resolved that no matter what, i won't miss the exam. ayun, kahit feverish pa ng onti, infernez nun wednesday ng gabi nkaya ko pa magpuyat at mag-aral. i just hope i didn't fail in my exams (EXAMS!!! plural... syet.)

rhoda celebrated her birthday yesterday and treated us to friday's. yumyum. we ran into dr. bundoc and her wife *who also dined there*. it was fun. we laughed like there was no tomorrow and basically got to talking and sharing.... stuff girls do. and of course we ate our sorrows. i love my med friends. they're not like my other treasured friends, but i treasure them anyway. after dissections, we all feel that hunger... not really for knowledge pero hunger talaga *haha*. masyado kasing mahaba ang dissections, kaya paglabas namin, talagang merienda dapat na iba pa sa dinner. paminsan feeling namin pagpasok namin s rob e tumitingin ung mga tao kasi mabaho kami talaga. we smell of death *teeheehee*. sometimes, when we're not tamad, we change out of our scrubs to put on our uniforms pero most times we don't really care. masaya n mahirap. i'm realizing now na totoo ung sinabi ni mommy. i don't have to feel like i'm the only one not getting the idea of how med life is because the reality is, we're all grappling. and i love my friends for being human enough. we might be the best from our classes but in med school, it doesn't matter much any more. you realize how important it is to be with other people who share the same experiences as you o. yesterday, after the theoreticals, we were all exhausted... maddie especially. i saw in her eyes resignation and in a way defeat. and that's how all of us felt. we prepared for the exams but still, it was hard for us. it IS hard. IT IS. but then again, they warned us. we knew what we were getting into. nobody ever said med school's gonna be a walk in the park. even the best doctors i know told me that it is hard, but we'll survive.

i've actually thought about taking a leave and maybe quitting altogether. i was crying wednesday morning because i was not feeling well and i haven't studied yet and i have to choose between my health and my studies. i felt that if i had to take the finals, it's as good as saying to me i'm not cut out to be a doctor. but I'M HERE, and there's something that they saw in me that day they interviewed me. and everything was just telling me to move on and take everything in stride. we had a mentoring session last wednesday afternoon and the mentors reminded us that we are doctors already, in a way. and that no matter how hard it may seem, things will fall into place. exactly my idea. so, once again, after being defeated *come on, bs biochem cum laude getting a 76 in a bichem exam... that's a bit embarassing considering the passing grade is 70%... i so do not want to be mediocre*, i have to move on and study once again. lifelong learning, anyone?

8:41am: medlife again
i had an exam last tuesday... it was the dreaded neuro exam. i don't quite understand how they thought we'd really understand everything there is to know about the brain in just a week. not even a whole week, since we also had biochem and idc211 and idc202 last week. so. hindi talaga nakadevote yung whole week for os202. sana lang this is all a part of the initial shock experience and sana makaadjust na ako. un kasing level ko ng study for the os202 exam eh board exam level na ng study ko, tas parang wenk pa rin. i study every night for how many nights, and stayed up late for three nights prior to the exam. tas napakasuperficial lang ng approach nun plenaries, tas ganun pala kadami ang ineexpect from us na malaman about the brain. a lot of the questions we were not prepared for had it not been for the "keps"... so kung di ka gumamit ng keps, sorry ka na lang, like me. =( so ayun. i'm just really hoping my first major exam comes out ok.

nun tuesday night, we were supposed to have a class party. well, the party pushed through but i couldn't do it. i was too tired and depressed about the exam. my roomies made me feel better though. =) we bought pig out food, and after eating, we watched movies *syempre, chineck ko muna yung lessons for the next dy... biochem naman so mejo ok lang magrelax =p* i have the best roommates ever! sana hindi na lang umalis sina ate veron at teresa... okay nman ang samahan namin. un nga lang, sabi ni ate veron, pag malapit na malapit na yung boards, pagpasensyahan na lang daw namin kung magiging masungit sya. i understand hehe ganun din ako before the boards dati eh.

the rest of the the week was fairly okay. we started with derma last thursday... mejo light na naman ang treatment sa derma, so it makes me wonder... gnito lang ba talaga kadali ito, o parang sa neuro na superficial lang uli lahat tas tip of the iceberg lang un na tipong pg di ka ngbasa ng mas deep, malalaman mo na lang na babagsak na yung ship once na nabangga mo na ung iceberg. pero i enjoyed immensely. tas histo chuva lang nun hapon so mejo light *pero AIMEE hirap ka din sa HISTO!!!*

nun thursday afternoon, i was invited by ching to their phi merienda out. i went coz basically i'm free for the afternoon. i must say, mejo kinoconsider ko n hindi na sumali. malabo. pero aun. gusto ko kasi muna magadjust fully before i commit. so bahala na talaga.

friday, i got to wear my uniform again. the first time was monday. not all of us were wearing uniforms last monday so mejo corneeey pero we were required nun friday so ayun, fun. we also got to do physical examination and history taking on normal, real patients from PGH. asteeg. masaya!!!

this weekend, mag-aaral ako ng histo at derma. seriously.

10:39am: med related stuff
kahapon nagstart na ang classes namin. art of medicine so onti pa lang ang pinaguusapan... mostly values and stuff. i think UPCM is big on "human doctors" hehe. =) got to watch patch adams... maganda pala ang movie na yon. =) afternoon... discussion about the movie in our small groups... got to know my groupmates better. =) hehe parang masyadong naeemphasize na dapat maging close kayo or something. =) after our SGD *lasted till 5:30... bibo kami eh* went straight to the phi event, the great med raid. grabeng takbuhan ang naganap! owell. it was fun fun fun grabe. we thought we'd win kaso lang hindi... sayang. pero nakakatuwa talaga ang groupmates ko. lhat sila game talaga and out to win. sobra ang fighting spirit! =) ate dun sa dinner, got to know some phi alumni... lalong nakainspire sa akin magmed talaga. =) went home, did homework for IDC and then watched "meet the robinsons". funny movie! nagustuhan ko. =)

ayun nga pala, nagstay na ako sa apartment namin nina ching at ate veron sa may orosa. =) so ayun, kahit late umuwi, k lang. pero nagpaalam pa rin ako kina dadi't mami syempre. =)

o sya, ayun lang muna. may class uli kami mamyang 1pm... dahil nga bibo kami, di na namin kelangan magclass ng maaga masyado ngayon hehe. uwi na ako mamya! =)

10:25pm: songs
Be brave little one
Make a wish for each sad little tear
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you

Don't cry little one
There'll be a smile where a frown used to be
You'll be part of a love that you see
Someone's waiting for you

Refrain:
Always keep a little pray'r in your pocket
And you're sure to see the light
Soon, there'll be joy and happiness
And your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true
You must try to be brave little one
Someone's waiting to love you

Always keep a little pray'r in your pocket
And you're sure to see the light
Soon, there'll be joy and happiness
And your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true
You must try to be brave little one
Someone's waiting to love you
---------
Lea:
Be still my heart
Lately its mind is on it's own
It would go far and wide
Just to be near you

Brad:
Even the stars
Shine a bit bright I've noticed
When you're close to me

Lea:
Still it remains a mystery

Chorus (Both):
Anyone who seen us
Knows what's going on between us
It doesn't take a genius
To read between the lines Brad: ohh
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Lea:
I ask myself why
I sleep like a baby through the night
Maybe it helps to know
you'll be there tomorrow

Brad: Lea:
Don't open my eyes Ohhh
I'll wake from the spell I'm under
Makes me wonder how Tell me how
I could live without you now

Both:
And what about the laughter
The happy ever after
Like voices of sweet angels
Calling out our names
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Brad:
All my life
I have dreamed of this
But I could not see your face

Lea:
Don't ask why two such distant stars
Can fall right into place

(Repeat Chorus)

Both:
Oh, it doesn't take a genius
To know what these are symptoms of
We could be Lea: ohh
We could be, we could be in love

Brad:
Could be in

Both:
We could be in love